By Chunkymoose
Meehan appeared at a public press conference earlier today, drenched in blood and wearing long, white, gore-stained robes to announce the contract extension of 2nd time all-star defenseman, Dion Phaneuf.
As per club policy, financial details were not announced but are rumoured to contain the following:
It is believed to be a $500 million 65 year extension that will carry Phaneuf through the 2072-2073 campaign. Also included are the rights of Prima Nocta to all newlywed southern Alberta women, all of the country’s green Smarties and sole rights to NHL cocaine distributorship in western Canada.
Also, as a signing bonus incentive, Phaneuf is to receive an unspecified number of fresh souls.
Meehan, after finishing chewing the gristle from the bull they had sacrificed to make the deal official, was quoted as saying “All hail thy holy offensive defenseman! His future years will yet bring prosperity, revelry and unbridled hedonism to this Hockey Mecca”.
It is believed Meehan was drunk with power.
When questioned if there was an issue with Phaneuf playing into his 87th year, Meehan responded by bending his head back unnaturally and emitting a poison gas that killed all the reporters in the room.
Also of note, once the signing was announced, Denmark imploded.
